Cruel to be kind?

Another 5min download……

I find being a parent is not always easy, mind you I wasn’t told it was! Where is the master handbook of parenting?

Sometimes I find there is truth in the saying you have to be ‘cruel to be kind’ ..well not perhaps ‘cruel’ but your child might perceive you as being that.

I hold the view that many teenagers in our western society are spoilt by their parents…
maybe to assuage their guilt sometimes …
maybe to make up for what they didn’t have as children…
maybe just becasue they can.

My belief is that this isn’t necessarily good for the teenager.

When I have to say no – when friend’s parents say ‘yes’ – it can look like I am being cruel, I don’t always feel good about it but I know it is ultimately beneficial.

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Light and Shadow

Light and Shadow

I was walking recently in the mountains and the sun was shining at an angle on the hillside opposite – casting shadows of the low drystone walls, trees & barns transforming what might have been a fairly uninteresting uniform hillside into a picture full of texture and beauty.

A couple of days earlier I was browsing though my son’s book on digital photography. It has 2 shots of the same scene. One shot on a cloudy day and one on a sunny day with strong shadows.

For me, life is a little like the hillside or the attractive photo. It has light and shadow. Often we focus on the light, though without shadow the light wouldn’t be meaningful. Yet how often do I expect life to be in with dark – to be all light and no shadow. Shadow for me represents the difficult times, the sufferings in life, the pain, yet without it we would not appreciate the light and we would not become the people that we can be.

In the Bible there is a metaphor of gold being refined (purified) by fire. (Zechariah 13:9 ) Fire though painful and difficult brings around the transformation of the impure Gold into something pure and of value. As a Christian I am to expect suffering… though often in practice I expect to avoid it!

So this challenges me to view what I call difficulties in a different light, to ask myself if I can appreciate them (if not at the time then after) and not to ask God to teach me though them.

What could you learn from your ‘shadows’ by looking at them from a different angle?

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Being in the moment

Last week a friend had said he would give me some personal feedback and therefore we had arranged to meet. During our discussion there was one thing specific bit of feedback that hit home and that was around ‘connectedness’. Basically my friend said that there were times when I was fully engaged with him. There were other times when he noticed I was not fully connected and that he felt that my attentions was elsewhere and thinking about other things than the things that we were talking about. At these times I was giving messages that I was bored. How interesting!

Recently I have been focusing on very much being connected with people in the moment. People I admire in this regard and have been observing create the sense that you and they are the only important people in the world at that moment – and that is what I have been learning to do over that last month or so. I believe I have learned to do this well but I also understand that at the moment this does not come naturally/automatically.

I find that focusing on the ‘here and now’ or ‘being in the moment’ is a very rewarding place to be. I, like many people tend to focus on the future and the things that need to be done rather than enjoy the richness of the present moment. As it says in one of my favourite passages from the book of Matthew

“Don’t worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to
worry about today.”

So…. how are you living in the moment?

 

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The long way home?

It struck me this week that I have a particular pattern when travelling. I often want to get to the destination as quickly as possible with less concern about the journey – and this may be true for many of us, particularly in the west.

This week I was travelling to an event one morning and had a choice. I could go on the ‘fast’ road and risk a traffic jam (but it looked suspiciously clear!) or I could take a small country road that would by-pass the potential bottleneck but that would take a few minutes longer. Now I knew I would enjoy the experience of the country road, the colour of the tress, the view of the river etc however I still was really tempted ( and I mean really!) to take the faster route.

I often live my life in the pursuit of the destination without the focus on the journey and I believe that my experience is the poorer because of that. Yes the destination is important – for that is the reason I set out – but to enjoy and experience every moment of the journey is a real enhancement to my experience. Not to do so is to deny myself the opportunities that living in the present give.

…and what about you?

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The Unfettered Self

A very interesting word that I had not really come across until recently.
A very powerful word…. I looked it up and found that it is really rich.

unchained: not bound by shackles and chains
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwnor

 

freed from restrictions or bonds
www.fmca.com/motorhomerights/information/glossary.asp

When applied to self things get even more interesting. The question for me is what bonds or shackles are holding me back from being the person I really am? What are the self imposed restrictions that I am living with? A key learning for me recently is about removing barriers that I put up to protect. By learning to be venerable I can really connect with people I meet enhance their learning and my experience.

 

This is just the start and I can see other ‘fetters’ such as self limiting beliefs….

What about you….

What are you chains you have?

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Parable of the Talents

Isn’t it strange that stories that you are so familiar with suddenly take on a fresh meaning. Things that were hidden take on a new clarity.

I have been familiar with the parable of the talents since childhood. Last night I was reading it again. It goes like this. (money=talents) …

“It’s also like a man going off on an extended trip. He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities. To one he gave five thousand dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their abilities. Then he left. Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled his master’s investment. The second did the same. But the man with the single thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master’s money. “After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them. The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment. His master commended him: ‘Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.’
“The servant with the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master’s investment. His master commended him: ‘Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.’
“The servant given one thousand said, ‘Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.’
“The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.

What was new to me in this parable was that this is saying that we are given talents and God expects us to make the most of these skills, gifts & capabilities that we have been given. We are expected to fulfil the potential that has been given to us.

Whether you have a belief in God or not I believe it to be a truth – that I need to seek to fulfil my potential with the gifts I have been given and that I can do this most effectively by being the real ‘me’. The authentic, unfettered me. There are times when I may be tempted to soft peddle my talents ( i.e. bury them) but I know that I will be most fulfilled and effective if I don’t.

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When Paths are covered

I was cycling this morning in the woods – a route that is quite familiar too me. The weather has been windy recently and many of the autumn leaves had been blown down. The path that I was accustomed to was covered with a mat of vibrant orange (a truly amazing almost artificial colour) covering the whole floor of the wood meaning that I had to ‘guess’ where the path was or choose the direction I thought was best.

Despite the greater sense of potential ‘unknown’ danger’ lurking underneath the leaves, the routes I chose got me to where I needed to go without incident.

I found this intriguing.

How often have I stuck to the established and expected path thinking that this is the only way? And has that path been the expectation that I have held in my mind rather than the real expectations of others. How liberating it is to feel and be unconstrained in the approach and direction I take focusing on the journey and the outcome.

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